Melody Joy: Blogs from Planet Puff

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iFear

i fear i am too weird to be loved
i fear the impossible Hollywood standards
i fear success
i fear failure more 
i fear reality
i fear that only artists can date artists, and that i will be lonely forever, because my occupational dreams are unique. I pray so badly that this is not true. Because normal people make me feel complete
i fear i will have to change who i am, to be accepted
i fear not being able to be myself

i fear i am losing myself

i fear getting old

i fear getting fat

i fear being abandoned 

i fear being forgotten

i fear not being good enough

i fear loss of control

i fear the unknown

i fear not knowing the future

i fear knowing it, and not liking it

i fear heights

i fear spiders

i fear sickness

i fear unhappiness & pain

i fear our fate is planned

i fear our fate is not.. and we have total control over it (that’s a lot of pressure)

i fear regret

i fear peoples evil capabilities

i fear losing it all, especially my parents

i fear i won’t be able to take care of myself

i fear being dependent on someone 

i fear my thoughts

i fear there’s something wrong with me

i fear fear

Extremely Honest & Embarrassing Things About Myself.

1.) I’m a vocal hypochondriac…
Which means i am afraid of losing my voice… even though.. it only gets better with time… and it’s likely not going to happen. I do lip trills periodically through out the day.. sometimes i catch myself doing them in public & people think i’m strange… 

2.) I am a hypochondriac in general. Which is likely why i get colds all of the time. But in general.. i’m extremely healthy. My rational side knows this 

3.) Rational? oh yeah.. i’m not that either…  
But i do make for a good artist. And i’m workin’ on it (mary jane helps most often, no lie) 

4.) I’m highly annoyed by people calling me in the middle of the night because that is MY TIME. Nocturnal girl time. In fact, most phone calls in general i find to be annoying ;/ modern day era syndrome.

5.) I’m a healthy eater.. but my daily diet, always consists of Jello, Monster, Cough Drops & Popcorn (don’t ask, they are delicacies on Planet Puff)

6.) I burp & fart a lot. At least sometimes. (Yes, girls do this, and if they tell you they don’t… they are insecure & lying to you) I guess perhaps i’m in touch with my dude side a bit more than the average girl. 

7.) When walking the streets alone… i often walk like a dude, or channel a dude. Usually a skater bro, or that Rico Zombie guy. Sometimes Machine Gun Kelly, Ryan Gosling or Miley Cyrus? (yeah i know she’s a girl)

8.)  the older i get.. the more i start to question myself…

9.) the older i get… the weirder i get. Perhaps i’m turning into my dad.. or perhaps i am actually becoming more certain of myself.. hm..

10.) I had my midlife crisis at 10 years old… I won’t tell you what.. 
but if you want to know.. watch this: http://youtu.be/H3oUrmAYuos

11.) I was highly influenced by Tom Green & Jackass .. at a young age… I absolutely love improve humor & public embarassment.
Prime example: http://youtu.be/fBfY_ahDzoU

12.) Even though i am not afraid to publicly embarrass myself. i am still afraid to open up, let my walls down, and sing, in front of people 

13.) i am extremely outgoing, but actually do care too much what people think of me.

14.) i hate my face & body %75 of the time, roughly. This is probably that 1 thing most of the female population has in common

15.) i have an addiction to stretching. My circulation sucks & i always feel the urge to stretch. Perhaps i just have way too much energy

16.) I named my boobs “Lambchop” and “Charlie Horse”

17.) In real life, i am extremely terrified of being naked in front of people. 

18.) i’m highly entertained by myself, i can talk to myself & laugh at and with myself… alone.. (only child syndrome?) i’m sure there are siblings that share this common idea. 

19.) i hold my tongue wayyyy too much. I am not sure if this makes me a really nice girl, or a really polite girl. Sometimes i wish i could tell people to fuck off…or stand up for myself a bit more. But never once have I.. in my life. 

20.) I sometimes fear.. my life will not be enough if i do not have a lover to share it with….  but then i shortly realize that is not true.. and i am extremely self satisfied. This process happens once a month, usually. 

an artists reality: planet puff

i truly fear and know.. that our world is merely artificial… 
Most people have no emotional connections
they are grey, phony & lifeless…
I truly question “What is Happiness”? And “Am i too weird to be loved”?
“Will i be alone forever”? “Am i happy”? “What the fuck is happy?” “What the fuck is normal”? 
i fear, i will not be able .. to live authentically and happy at the same time… 
i will have to accept the world around me…and create an alternate, dreamlike world (MY WORLD) inside of this cesspool

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